CHIEF CONDUCTOR
CURRENTLY WARPING
One Crazy Motherf*cker
Dr. Zoltan Quantumsparks is one crazy motherf*cker. One night, drunk on f*ck tons of zappachino and high on sh*t ounces of sparcaine, he had the most stupid idea ever — an idea so stupid it looped back around to genius??
He was obsessed with this batsh*t crazy theory: that creativity could literally bend reality — like a bald kid bending spoons in a simulation — if enough equally deranged bastards joined him, their sparks could trigger a supernova-level nuclear f*cking warp that'd fill the whole goddamn galaxy.
The link had to be unbreakable. And long. The chain had to stretch across the entire cosmos — forever. No limits, no end, only momentum, speed, and gazillion tons of sparcaine.
That same night, Dr. Sparks gathered, cooked, forged, crafted, and sharpened — before launching the f*ck out of it into space. He was live. He was fast. He was high. But most importantly — he was in a motherf*cking space-train going full throttle across the stars. Not a single worry or regret in that big f*cked-up brain of his.
→
The Launch
Spectacular.
×
Ozone Layer
Tore through it like super spicy wings hitting the colon at warp speed.
~
His Lab
Totally discombobulated.
!
His Neighbours
Well-done.
◎
The Mossad Agent
Disintegrated into pixels.
♦
Wife's Boyfriend
Happy as f*ck.
Now, he sits in his c*ckpit — fridge stocked full of zap juice, dr*g stash overflowing — ready to embark on the forever journey as he cruises on a time-warping star line. Never aging. Never bored. He awaits his future companions to buckle the f*ck up and join his infinite train.
The only thing forward is a distorted, warping view of space filled with neon sparks and light explosions — almost blinding the eye in a constant state of hallucinations… eternally. Yesterday's bad decisions are left behind like yesterday's bad decisions.
"Creativity can literally bend reality — if enough equally deranged bastards join the chain."
— The Theory
"The link has to be unbreakable. And long. Those were the conditions."
— The Conditions
"No limits. No end. Only momentum, speed, and gazillion tons of sparcaine."
— The Mission
"Yesterday's bad decisions are left behind like yesterday's bad decisions."
— The Philosophy
"The train must never stop. Never. He has drugs enough for eternity."
— The Commitment
"WOO-HOOO!!!"
— The Closing Argument
Buckle the f*ck up.